Yesterday, I was engrossed in a task when my phone rang. The call was from a colleague who tends to follow-up a lot.
Even before taking the call, I started thinking: She must be calling to follow up such and such thing. I began preparing my response. When I took her call, what she shared was entirely different from what I had imagined. She wasn’t following up, instead shared information that was very useful to me.
This is what the poem by Basho points to. We can learn about pine only from pine, and bamboo only from bamboo. The moment we carry our assumptions into an interaction, we stop understanding the other person.
This habit shows up everywhere, specially in everyday conversations. Here are five tips to truly understand someone:
- Notice your inner commentary: When someone reaches out, observe the story you are creating about them.
- Pause before responding: Take one full breath before you speak.
- Replace assumptions with curiosity: Ask one open question instead of making a statement.
- Observe yourself: Notice when your mind shifts to defending, fixing, or judging and gently return to listening.
- Stay in the present: Respond to this conversation or situation
How do you understand a pine a from pine?
Perspectives 