Fixing vs Listening

Musings 1 Minute

Last week I conducted a poll: your team member bursts into your room visibly shaken. “I need to talk,” she says, holding back tears.

What will you do?

76% respondents said they will listen to her attentively.

24% said they would offer solutions or advice based on their experience.

Well… here’s the twist from real life.

While many know that we should just listen, the numbers tend to flip – at least for me.

When someone comes to me with a problem, my first instinct is to solve it.

I believe:

  • They have come to me for an answer
  • Helping = offering solutions
  • I should share as I have experienced / seen it

But here’s what I’ve slowly come to learn:

Most people don’t want the problem to be fixed. They want to be heard.

They already know you cannot magically make it better. They just want to let it out. Feel less alone. Be seen.

Here’s what I do not to resist the urge to jump in with a solution:

🔸 Set a 10-minute mental timer: I just listen for the first 10 minutes. I allow the silence do its work.

🔸 Breathe before responding: the pause stops me from going into “advice mode.”

🔸 Reflect back: Instead of giving my take, I say: “That sounds really hard. Want to say more?”

🔸 Ask what he / she needs: “Do you want me to just listen, or are you looking for thoughts?” This single question can be a game changer.

We often underestimate the power of simply being there for someone.

Who was the last person you truly listened to—without offering any advice? Would love to hear your reflections.

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Published by Padma Rajeswari

At the outset, I would like to thank you for stopping by my Blog. I believe that there is nothing right or wrong in this world. What’s right in this moment and context may be wrong in another moment and context. This belief has inspired me to name my blog ‘Perspectives’. Perspectives is a platform for me to share my experiences, thoughts and perspectives on various subjects. You may have a different point of view. I look forward to hearing them, these are the triggers for rich and deep conversations. On personal front, I live in Mumbai, India. I love to read; Somerset Maugham and Nevil Shute are my favorite authors. My favorite books are The Razor’s Edge, Mrs. Craddock, Chequer Board and Gone with the Wind. I am thankful to my father who inculcated the habit of reading in me early on. I am also passionate about traveling, I have been to most parts of India and to several countries across the globe. On professional front, I work in Human Resources function. Over two and half decades, I have worked across multiple industries and cultures. I focus on Leadership Development, Talent Management, Visioning and Culture, Large-scale change, Employee Listening & Engagement, Employee Well-being, Inclusive work culture, HR effectiveness, Behavior and Mind-set shifts through sustained interventions I currently lead Organization Effectiveness Function for Aditya Birla Group, a $44.3 billion conglomerate with 120000 employees across 35 countries. I sincerely hope that you will enjoy reading my blog. I look forward to your thoughts and suggestions. Thank you!

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